When Big Feelings
Take Over
"Have you ever had a day where everything felt like too much? Maybe it was too loud. Maybe plans changed. Big feelings don't mean you're bad. They usually mean something is hard right now. Let's figure out what our feelings might be trying to tell us."
How to use this page
This page is for .... detailed instructions.
What others see
These behaviours don't tell the whole story.
What might be underneath:
- overwhelm
- anxiety
- sensory overload
- frustration
- exhaustion
- confusion
- disappointment
- difficulty processing information
Behaviour is communication.
Someone who looks angry may actually be overwhelmed.
Someone who refuses may actually be confused.
Someone who appears defiant may be struggling to process what is being asked of them.
"I wish adults knew I wasn't trying to make things difficult."
Why this happens
The FASD Brain Works Hard
They may be:
- processing more slowly
- managing sensory overload
- trying to remember instructions
- navigating social situations
- working hard to fit in
Sometimes that effort is invisible.
Ember video or photo
Sometimes I can hold it together all day.
I listen.
I try.
I follow the rules.
I work really hard to keep up.
But by the time I get home, my brain and body are tired.
So if I cry, yell, shut down, or have a hard time after school, it doesn’t mean I’m being lazy.
It means I’m overloaded.
It means I need time, calm, and support.
My brain has been working hard all day
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Before you respond to behaviour
Ask these questions first→
Could they be:
✓ Hungry?
✓ Tired?
✓ Overstimulated?
✓ Recovering from a difficult day?
✓ Confused?
✓ Processing information?
✓ Worried?
✓ Needing a break?
This simple checklist can change how caregivers interpret behaviour.Â
What to do when emotions rise
Step 1
Regulate First
-
They borrow your calm.
-
Take a breath.
-
Slow down.
-
Lower your voice.
-
Move closer.
-
Reduce demands.
What to say
"I can see this is hard.Â
I'm here. We'll figure it out together."
Step 2
Focus On Safety
- Don't teach.
- Don't lecture.
- Don't solve the problem yet.
- Help everyone feel safe first.
What to say
"You don't have to figure this out right now. We can talk later."
Step 3
Support Regulation
What helps?
✓ Quiet space
✓ Water
✓ Snack
✓ Headphones
✓ Movement break
✓ Ember
✓ Deep pressure
✓ Time
Real life example:
Situation
After school
What Adults See
- yelling
- arguing
- refusing homework
What's Actually Happening
- sensory overload
- mental exhaustion
- masking all day
- difficulty transitioning
What Helps
- snack
- quiet time
- movement
- connection before demands
Let's build a plan
You can choses to download and print the pdf to fill out, or you can fill out the form online and email yourself a copy.
Circle of Care
Share with school, grandparents, respite, and support workers
People supporting me should know
✓ My triggers
✓ My warning signs
✓ What helps
✓ What doesn't help
✓ How to support me when I'm overwhelmed
Remember
✓ Behaviour is communication.
✓ People with FASD are often misunderstood, not unwilling.
✓ Regulation comes before learning.
✓ Safety comes before compliance.
✓ Progress is more important than perfection.
✓ Caregivers need support too.
✓ Small successes matter.
Watch this together
When Wendel’s Dad needs them to hurry and get ready, Wendel doesn’t want to stop drawing. Yelling isn’t making Wendel get ready any faster– maybe they can try a different approach and work together.